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損壞系列 Broken series, 2013, GIF File Format, 900 x 1200 px each, in 4 files

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OBJECT DIALOGUE - Chapter 2






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As an adult I remind myself to go back to the basic - What can I do for love?







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別人怎樣想，自己也是沒辦法，而且很多時候想猜也猜不到。那麼起碼做一個讓自己感到舒服的人，舒服的過自己的生活，就這樣。






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我心裡一直有一個印象，就是在我開始探想自己是一個怎樣的人的那些年歲，我常常處於一種保持討好別人的狀態，勉強成為一個理想中的普通人，而那種理想，僅僅是我自己心目中想像出來的，別人心目中的理想。在那段時間我一直拒絕接受自己和別人。





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當我用一個旁觀者的態度觀察自己時，就會發現，自己第一時間的反應或吐露的話語通常都是傾向負面，那是一個人最自然流露的一刻。我是一個容易悲觀的人，但最近我開始接受了這樣的一個自己，與這一個自己和平共處，我發覺這是一個可以讓自己平靜的方法，總比讓自己勉強變得積極樂觀來得舒服。

這種心態讓我面對了很多世間不盡如人意的事情，太多太多手裡無法掌握的事情，要放下它們，好好去做我可以做到的部份。這是其中一套我認為很重要的世界觀，作為繪畫的人我正在實踐這個觀念。





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我人活到三十，無比厭倦那個不能夠勇敢承擔的自己，在一些關頭，如果可以選擇逃避的話我會選擇逃避，逃避再逃避。我已經不行了，再這樣下去是沒有意思的，能夠解決的辦法就是我親手改變，已經再沒有其他任何辦法了。





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在我的生命裡頭，好像還沒有經歷過什麼有關於死亡的事情。其實也不是完全沒有，只是覺得無關痛癢，例如與我很疏離的嫲嫲在數年前老死，甚或是我昨天在廁所裡的牆角殺掉的蜘蛛。我自認為沒有能力描述死亡。

讓我覺得最接近消失的事情，是在一段十年前的關係。我只知道自己直至現在仍然無法完全抹殺對這一個人的憎恨，而這份憎恨隨著我們分開之後的數年慢慢增加，然後一直穩定的保持著，緩緩地燃燒，也再沒有增加或減退。

這是唯一的。就算再邪惡和討厭的人和事，也好像無法挑起任何可比擬的感覺。

就在數年前我曾經跟這一個人相約吃飯，也是我們分開後第一次和唯一一次的見面，我以為可以藉此搜尋到一些解除心中恨意的線索。事實是當時我們言談甚歡，因為我發覺，眼前的一位就好像是一個陌生人。而之後，我再也不想要見任何的面。就在我以後回想起這件事情，我發現我所憎恨的這一個人，其實已經在不知不覺間，消失了，而我將永永遠遠失去他，無論怎樣我都不會再找到這一個人。




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偶爾當我聽到自己跟以為可以信賴的朋友，傾訴秘密、心事或是一事意氣的話，在第三者的口中說出，而情況是無論當中有沒有被扭曲，我也會感受到深刻的傷害。就算說得上不小心或是沒有惡意，但我仍然無法漠視，作為一個朋友就應該要彼此守護，我想這樣是很基本的。

我不敢說自己從來沒有吐露過別人交托的話語，我也發現這樣做亦可能讓對方帶來意想不到的傷害，對此我感到很內疚。現在我只能夠這樣說，從今以後我要很小心守護自己，還有別人所交托的。傷害是可以很容易被做成，我並不想自己是其中的蔓延者。




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繪畫讓人忘記現實，尤其是苦悶的部份。

在繪畫的過程中，其中一樣最重要的事情就是專注於當下，專注於自己如何透過畫筆的移動構成畫面，而其他事情就可以忘記，忘記自己除了畫家以外的其他身份，例如捱貴租的工作室租客、畫廊的畫家、戶口剩幾百蚊的人、女兒、情人、朋友、旁觀者和陌生人等等，甚至忘記將來，例如其他人會不會喜歡眼前的作品，他們的評價又會是怎樣等等。

忘記了自己與現實生活的關係，眼前的現實就只有畫面，就像是那些瘋狂的藝術家一樣，真是瘋狂！

這種專注於當下的狀態有時候是挺好的，尤其是當自己無法想像到將來的模樣，那麼只少可以透過畫筆一步步地行走，走最接近的可達到的一步。

在完成一件作品的同時，就是記起了自己忘記了的現實生活的苦悶部份，呀… 還是好好面對吧。




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Some pictures I took for my painting reference for the ARTHK12. These are all scenes from the gardens in the Hong Kong public housing estates. Those plants are normally planned for afforesting and decorating space. These kinds of the scenes are the most reachable and nearest to the residents. They are extremely common and daily.




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《無休止的兜轉》Endless Rotation, 600 x 401 px, GIF File Format, 2011

這是我用我的畫所組成的gif 圖，是整件作品的一部份，各位可以隨意使用和收藏。作品的題目命名《無休止的的兜轉》，所以特別用上gif檔，因為這個做法沒有了video需要設定的duration，也比較貼近我每次看到迴旋處的想像——如果一架汽車去不到任何的地方，只能夠在迴旋處不斷的兜圈，情況會是怎樣？這個景象很大程度令我聯想到，當一個人很長時間糾結在某一些問題上，可能是有關失意、迷惘、甚至完全質疑自我價值的時候，總之可以好多原因，在人生某些時刻好像看不到盡頭。這些困擾通常沒有外人可以幫得到，而外人也只能夠旁觀著當時人。但其實…其實這種處於困擾和被看的狀態可能可以是幾好笑的——要不斷兜圈喎，頭唔暈ga？人都癡線啦，真係諗起都覺得論盡…但當然，我可能就是當時人，或者我是我自己的旁觀者甚至是其他人的外人…
無論如何，這次展覽的作品主題都是圍繞我目前面對—些解決不到的問題時，自我應該保持如何的狀態。除了上述介紹的作品，另外四件作品包括《渴睡的汽車》，其實我覺得畫面上遇上意外的汽車是在休息或是在曬太陽的；《寒冷的旗幟》的主角是一枝代表勝利的哥爾夫球旗，但在冰天雪地之下它本身的象徵好像變得毫無意義；《安全島》是一個位於海中的浮臺，我覺得這個「安全島」的意義在於，當我在描繪它以至其它作品的時候，當下全神專注的狀態能夠為我帶來精神上的安然，但當我離開這個「島」時，如同我離開繪畫這個過程，我也只能夠像其他觀眾凝視甚至以旁觀的姿態面對作品；《雙重出口》的意念靈感來自於Gallery Exit的理念口號：「Every exit is an entrance somewhere else - Tom Stoppard.」所以Exit應該要買下來做生招牌的！Fans買亦得！最後我想特別多謝的包括Ron Lau，他是《無休止的的兜轉》的特約（技）模特兒，他在現場真的兜了很多個圈。阿禧、Sunday和Furze都分別幫了我一些大大小小的忙。另外還有我的藝術家男朋友Samuel的超凡手工藝和技術支援，大部份的框架都是由他來操刀，他曾經形容我自認為做得不錯、誤差只有0.2 cm的畫框是crap…真係多謝晒。黎卓華
二零一二年十一月二十一日
This GIF image composed by my paintings is part of my new work “Endless Rotation”. It is very welcome for everyone to use or collect it. To present the movement, I chose GIF file format due to the media has no duration setting like video art. It fits my imagination when I see the roundabout – if a car cannot reach anywhere but only can keep driving and spinning around the roundabout, then how will the scene be? The vision reminds me of a situation when someone faces personal struggles endlessly. The status can be about self-disappointment, confusion and even total suspicion of the value of one’s own existence. No one can help these kinds of problems. The bystander can only look at the insider. The situation sounds heavy to both. However, it can be ridiculous and clumsy at the same time when we can step back and look at it. Don’t you feel dizzy even crazy if someone just keep spinning and struggling? It seems nicer to take it easy. Of course, it is very possible I am one of the struggling people; even I think it is so ridiculous and clumsy.In this coming exhibition “Safety Island”, I try to provide some suggestions of how to face and deal with the personal difficulties for myself and even other people. Besides “Endless Rotation”, there are 4 more works. In “A Drowsy Car”, I personally imagine the upside down car from the accident is just taking a break or even sunbathing. “A Freezing Cold Flag” is a Golf Flag in the snow. Its symbolic value that always represents victory becomes meaningless due to the cold weather setting. “Safety Island” is a floating platform in the sea. The zone normally provides swimmers to have a temporary rest. For me when I depict the platform and even the other works, the highly concentrated moment can provide me a certain level of comfort and relief. But when I leave the “island”, which means I leave the depicting process, I can only be a bystander like any audience to contemplate and observe the work with distance. “Double Exit” is inspired by Gallery Exit’s idea slogan, “Every exit is an entrance somewhere else – Tom Stoppard”. So I recommend Exit or their fans to collect this work!At the end, I would like to thank Ron Lau to be the stunt model for “Endless Rotation”. He really drove and kept spinning around the roundabout nonstop. Hei, Sunday and Furze gave me some big helps too. I would like to thank my artist boyfriend, Samuel, for his exquisite craftsmanship and technical support. He made most of the frames for the show. He used to comment my handmade frame with only 0.2 cm inaccuracy is crap… thanks again!Sarah Lai
Nov 21, 2011



《渴睡的汽車》 A Drowsy Car, 2011, oil on canvas, aluminium, 168 x 183 x 50 cm

《安全島》 - 黎卓華個展
2011年11月25日至12月23日


開幕酒會： 2011年11月25日(星期五) 晚上6時至8時
地點： 香港中環善慶街1號Gallery EXIT安全口畫廊
開放時間： 星期二至六 1100-1900


Gallery EXIT 安全口畫廊將呈獻黎卓華的個人展覽《安全島》。個人與現實世界若即若離的關係，慢慢演變成一種自身與周邊環境的距離感。這種感覺令藝術家質疑其角色和價值，甚至動搖個體在時間和空間裡的存在意識。黎氏看中攝影媒介能夠直接反映現實世界的特性，在其繪畫過程中重塑被相機捕足的那時那刻，彷如重新投入迷離詭弔的場景，從而確立自己和現實世界的關係。黎氏把一件件冷冰冰又具有明顯功能的人造建設，如高爾夫球旗干和迴旋處，化作線條形態都充滿美感和性格的景物。藝術家利用輕柔和細密的筆觸、幽淡而迷矇的色調把自然景觀和人造建設融為一體。


在展覽的點題作中，光滑無比的浮台處於泛起片片磷光，平如止水的大海中央。這座人造設施跟汪洋大海共存而不突兀。黎氏把她的創作歷程和心境比喻作這「安全島」：繪畫對她來說就是一個間歇性的庇護所，讓她暫時逃離現實生活的虛浮所帶來的絲絲騷動，重拾安穩。浮台上的泳客休息過後，便從浮台重新出發。游出大海的狀態和黎卓華尋找靈感的過程一樣，畫家從繪畫中得到了靈性的安撫後，一定要回到現實世界中闖蕩，才能得到新的衝擊。透過是次展覽的作品，黎氏嘗試面對那如輕紗般，而非生死攸關的挫敗和失落感，並提出另類解讀。在「渴睡的汽車」中，綠草如茵的畫面發生了一場無人參與的車禍。一架翻倒的私家車安然無恙地躺在綿綿青蔥的草地上。這種隔岸觀火的態度並沒有煽動觀眾產生目睹車禍事故後的悲憤情緒，取而代之的是以平靜的心態來看待意料之外──失敗其實並沒有甚麼大不了。


黎卓華在2007年畢業於香港中文大學藝術系，同年獲得張氏創作獎、嘉圖創作獎及翁凌宇藝術創作獎。黎氏亦是2010年傑出亞洲藝術獎決賽入圍者之一。



Sarah LAI - Safety Island
25 November - 23 December 2011


Opening Reception: Friday, 25 November 2011, 6 - 8 pm
Gallery EXIT, 1 Shin Hing Street, Central, Hong Kong
Hours: Tue - Sat, 1100 - 1900


Gallery EXIT is pleased to present Safety Island, the second solo exhibition of Sarah Lai with the gallery. Included in the show are 5 sets of paintings and a video that continues the artist's probing into a sense of estrangement with the familiar. Lai adopts photography's aptness in mirroring reality and seeks to reconnect with her surroundings through renditions of captured scenes. Yet unlike reality itself, Lai strips the mundane objects and structures, such as a golf flag and roundabout, off of their functions and subtly beautifies them with cool faded colours. The soft meticulous brush strokes and hazy images on canvas create an uncanny world where the man-made melds into nature to become one seamless landscape.


In the exhibition's title piece "Safety Island", a smooth marble-like beach raft floats steadily in the placid waters. The tranquil seascape seems to be unperturbed by this alien construction. In "A Drowsy Car", an overturned vehicle lolls unscathed in the soft meadow. In the absence of casualty and destruction, this pastoral scene of accident is neither violent nor distressful. Its composition points to surrender as the artist beckons to reconcile with the unperfected nature of life. Through this series of work, Lai deals with defeatism and unsentimentally offers remission.


For the artist, the creative process offers a temporary shelter as she tries to consolidate her place in the world. In a sense, painting becomes a safety island. Lai insists that this state of mind should not be constant but a pause in a journey to allow moments of uninterrupted inspection.


Sarah Lai graduated from the Fine Arts Department, Chinese University of Hong Kong in 2007. In the same year, she received the Ramon Woon Creative Prize, Grotto Fine Arts Ltd.'s Creative Award and Cheng's Fine Arts Award in Western Painting. Lai is also a Finalist of the 2010 Sovereign Asian Art Prize.




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The Paradise at this moment I

Oil on canvas

183 x 62 cm

2007 May

It's one of the works in my graduation show 3 years ago.

The left image was Samuel's family home in the US and the right image was mine in Hong Kong.

By that period we were still in a long distance relationship.

The painting was a gift I brought for his family during 2007 Christmas when I visited him.

I think it's a perfect place for the painting!

Landscape I

Oil on canvas

183 x 62 cm

2007 January

My early piece. One of the paintings I like the most!

I would really love to see it again but I don't know who is the collector and where is it now.

Proof that the earth is round

"We know that the earth is round by the way a ship comes into view.
First we see a little flag of smoke.
Then the ship comes slowly into view, the upper parts first, as if the vessel were climbing a curve..."